There’s nothing the makers of War 2 will not do to show the audience a good time. Affording stylish entry sequences to its stars, showcasing their well-sculpted bodies (including Kiara Advani in swim-wear, looking disturbingly photo-shopped), chase scenes in picturesque European cities borrowed from James Bond, Mission: Impossible and Jason Bourne films, dance-offs between its two nimble-footed male leads (Hrithik Roshan and NTR), patriotism, (cautious) pro-poor commentary, CGI wolves, B-movie twists, and flashbacks that put Ekta Kapoor’s soap-operas to shame. Sit back, and pick your poison.

I arrived at this thesis after a stray scene jumped out at me. Vikram (NTR) is working on the terrace of his Delhi residence. We see a background that is noticeably green-screen. It’s only when the azaan begins, is when I realised that it was supposed to be Jama Masjid. It’s an innocuous thing – where if they’re using a green screen, they could have dreamt up literally any background for Delhi. But director Mukerji, who infamously spent a decade making a terrible film (Brahmastra, 2023) picked the only instantly recognisable Delhi landmark that can appear in the backdrop of a residence (unlike the India Gate, or the Parliament). Why a well-heeled spy, wearing designer sunglasses and trenchcoats in other scenes, lives in Old Delhi is anyone’s guess. How little thought goes into a tiny detail like this can be telling about how little thought goes into the rest of the film. 

Very little of Ayan Mukerji’s film makes sense, even if one watches it with the forgiving lens of mainstream Bollywood logic. Why is Advani’s character walking up and down like she is on a runway, before getting into a pool, during a song? Why would a rogue spy endanger the life of his adopted daughter by including her in his scheme to escape authorities who want to kill him? Why would a secret meeting between a rogue spy and a soldier be immediately followed by a song? Especially, when they’re being tracked by an organisation that claims to be omnipresent. Even by mainstream Bollywood logic, these feel like they’re stretching the limits of credibility.

Sridhar Raghavan, who has been Yash Raj Film’s (YRF) go-to guy for the Spy Universe films, tries to ground it in something tangible. Kabir (Roshan) has been on the tail of an organisation called Kali, comprising oligarchs from countries like Russia, China, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Myanmar. They aim to bring down governments, and are looking to destabilise India. Kabir has been a gun-for-hire for a while now, to build his legend as a rogue Indian spy, looking to avenge the ‘mistreatment’ in exchange for his services. To get into Kali, Kabir is given the assignment to kill Colonel Luthra (Ashutosh Rana), his father-figure from the first film. It’s the most predictable assignment to test the loyalty of an undercover spy – and yet, Mukerji milks the moment for all the melodrama and tears.

After Kabir infiltrates Kali, the new RAW chief, Kaul (Anil Kapoor) puts together his own team to track Luthra’s killer. This includes the late Col’s daughter, Kavya (Advani) and supersoldier Vikram. The dialogues by Abbas Tyrewala have the wryness like in the first film, and Pathaan (2023), but lose steam quickly. NTR, who became a pan-India star after S.S. Rajamouli’s RRR (2023), has little to offer apart from his physicality in fights and dance. Much like contemporaries Prabhas, Ram Charan and Allu Arjun. Advani, who has rarely been challenged with shouldering the creative ambitions of a film, shows up for the intermittent fight scene, song, plot twist – always dressed immaculately. I could be wrong, but I didn’t spot a single bead of sweat on her, throughout the film’s 173 mins.

The only saving grace in this paella version of a film, is Hrithik Roshan. Siddharth Anand’s film reinstated Roshan as one of the best-looking men in Bollywood, but what was hard to miss was how he had decided to cut loose in that film. Roshan, the finest actor-star of his generation, equally adept at high-pitched melodrama as he is at restraint in his performances, is adored by the camera in War 2. Given umpteen slow-motion shots, dancing routines, questionable action set-pieces, Roshan aces nearly all of it. It’s remarkable that even in a film as incoherent as this one, I have held on to Roshan’s evil smirk as he’s chasing down one of the oligarchs, while chewing a toothpick. Or the way he stares into the eyes of a CGI wolf – bringing them to life. 

War 2 is so lacking in (even filmy) logic, it’s a miracle it exists at all. In this era of easy nostalgia, we might not be far away when Siddharth Anand’s War (2019) – a silly, dishonest film – is hailed as a ‘classic’. Especially after we’ve endured the sequel. But credit where it’s due, War 2 checks all the boxes. It has action, aspirational bodies, callbacks to vintage mainstream cinema, foreign locations, and melodrama. There’s nothing YRF will not do to show the audience a good time — except invest in a modestly engaging script.

*War 2 is playing in theatres   

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