Badri Raina 
Good times are coming boys, good times are coming.
The discarded assembly complex in Srinagar is being spruced up.
Elections are round the corner , but do not forget to cross your fingers for now.
Encounters are on aplenty, and who knows whether the situation will be deemed suitable for the electoral exercise.
After all, so much will depend on the prospects of the ruling BJP; a final determination of how good or bad its fortunes might be will bear on how suitable the situation is, no?
But, if the exercise does materialise, what a windfall the circumstance will be for Kashmiris.
Denied “special status”, the ‘special status’ will be back in an improved form.
The Union Territory will have an assembly and a cabinet with little to do but feel good to be in office.
Also read: Kashmiris Will Not Be Trusted to Govern Themselves
In deference to the trials suffered by Kashmiris over long years, the considerate Centre has already put its noble foot forward and volunteered to conduct most of the business of governance in Jammu and Kashmir.
The whole wretched task of ensuring law and order – constitutionally a state subject – will be undertaken by the honourable Lieutenant Governor who represents the thoughtful Modi government.
Thus the new Kashmiri cabinet will stand relieved of this most burdensome responsibility.
Likewise, no questions will come to be asked of a Kashmiri cabinet about why or how its officers come to be posted or transferred here, there, or elsewhere.
This too a caring Modi dispensation has offered to undertake via the above-board Lieutenant Governor whose efficiency will not be marred by any accusation of bias since the honourable LG has no constituency in the first place except only the pure and simple national interest. And who might say that any Kashmiri interest should have priority over the least national interest as codified by the right-wing? That fact cannot but contribute to the purity of his exertions on behalf of Kashmiris.
So, you may well ask what exactly will the new Kashmiri government do, given its reconstituted special status:
To begin with, it will heave a sigh of relief and feel unburdened by the contumely of office;
There will be no call for it to get up early morning to rush to office;
When people come, as they will foolishly, for redressal of grievances, it will be honest and pass them on to the real powers-that-will-be;
Elected members and ministers will be accorded the time they never had to catch up on some thoughtful reading, attend seminars authorised by the honourable LG, communicate to sundry audiences features of the beautiful new special status, thus contribute to strengthening a light , bright, and sparkling democratic culture.
Additionally, I think Kashmri legislators and ministers will have oodles of time to greet benevolent tourists, show them around the tulip gardens, educate them in informal get-togethers about the beauties of Kashmiri culture etc.
To the extent that in most moral philosophy the soul is held to be often the body’s troublesome ring master, the new Kashmir assembly and government will suffer no such traumas; it will be all body with the soul in the honourable Lieutenant Governor’s safe keeping.
What special status could outsmart this new one ostensibly to be soon bestowed on Kashmiri politicians, if not the people?
The highest form of spiritual evolution is when we become shadows without substance.
Who knows the truth of that more than the Kashmiri, whose immersion in transcendent thought supersedes that of any fellow Indians?
Badri Raina taught at Delhi University.
This piece was first published on The India Cable – a premium newsletter from The Wire & Galileo Ideas – and has been updated and republished here. To subscribe to The India Cable, click here.