This is a work of fiction. Although it may appear closer to reality than fiction.
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The following note, drafted by JS (PSK), is being issued with the consent and approval of the Competent Authority, as a strategic directive to seniormost officials.
Copies (numbered) will be made available on a very limited basis. Except for the National Security Adviser, no other member of the Cabinet Committee on Security will get a copy. Not even the home minister. I am required to make it clear to all recipients that this is an internal document, strictly for limited circulation. It is not to be shared with any of our preferred media outlets; not even with the IT Cell.
A few days ago, I was given an opportunity by the Sarva Saksham Pradhikari (most competent authority, or MCA) to prepare a ‘working note’ based on what he was thinking aloud – and alone, his remarkable and fascinating mind uncluttered with the stereotypes our friends and foes like to foist on him.
This is only a draft copy of the “working style note,” still to be finally approved by the MCA.
A Working Note on Thrust and Direction of Modi 3.0
After the 2024 Lok Sabha verdict, it has become imperative to re-jig our game in order to negate the voter’s negative message. We cannot allow our allies or opponents to set the agenda of our government.
At the same time, it is also clear that after ten years there are no domestic mountains to be conquered. We are a tired people, our moral capital is vastly depleted, and our imagination all blurred.
On the domestic front, we shall at best be able to muddle through, without any realistic hope of any spectacular achievement.
After the rebuff by ungrateful voters, the MCA is not prepared to spend time or energy on domestic agenda or issues. Let the Opposition-wallahs keep taunting us that he has not visited Manipur. The mess there is intractable, and that Biren Singh has made it worse, and the MCA is no longer able to discipline him. These BJP leaders are like sharks, first to smell blood in the water.
The MCA believes that foreign policy is the only area of activity that will keep him on the front pages of newspapers. He has sadly noted that Man Ki Baat now gets relegated to the inside pages. The novelty is gone.
He has therefore decided that the preponderance of our energies – political, strategic, economic, diplomatic and the NRIs – be directed towards external relationships, even if this means engaging in meaningless/insubstantive state visits, to and fro.
The principal purpose and focus of all these external activities will be to keep alive the perception that the MCA is still a respected and very consequential global player.
As the most competent authority put it, “we have this vast parasitic bureaucracy that goes by the high-sounding name of Indian Foreign Service. These self-styled “ambassadors” love nothing more than meaningless diplomatic activity—summits of various shapes and sizes. In fact, I am inclined to believe, after ten years, that if there is one global conspiracy, it is among the foreign offices across the globe, in good times as well as in bad times. Our diplomats are vastly underworked and grossly over-paid. I believe they will be happy to be corralled into inventing and manufacturing ‘diplomatic achievements’ for me. Look, how eagerly they got down to spreading yoga mats in capitals and cities around the world.”
The MCA appreciates that we have an excellent foreign minister in S. Jaishankar. Most of the time, he is too clever by half – which suits the Indian “strategic community.” Talk, talk and more talk keeps these strategic experts away from the doctor. Even those retired “experts” who are not with the government are per se obliged to talk about – and praise – the “Indian” stand on this or that remote global event.
Luckily, the global calendar seems full. Each event provides an opportunity for the MCA to generate headlines here in India –whether to go and address the General Assembly, or attend or not attend SCO meeting in Pakistan, or to smile or not to smile or hug or not to hug Xi –our media will focus and endlessly discuss this gesture or that snub to that world leader.
In the privacy of his home the Most Competent Authority is mightily amused that there are serious people in this country who actually believe he could have any kind of role in sorting out the Russia-Ukraine conflict. The more educated they are, the more desperate they are for him to acquire even a semblance of the aura and influence Nehru had acquired in the 1950s. While we actually have no role to play in resolving any of the world’s wars and conflicts, this does not mean that we will forgo any opportunity to let it be known that we are playing “peace-maker.” The Indian media simply loves the idea that their Leader has rolled up his sleeves and is solving this conflict or that.
The MCA believes that his “successes” and “achievements” in global diplomacy will not only keep the increasingly restive BJP MPs in check but will also make the Nagpur establishment refrain from contemplating any “corrective” action.
In any case, the MCA has regrettably concluded that Indian voters can never be fully satisfied; they will keep demanding more and more. He believes we have done the best that could be done at home. There are those newly empowered people on the opposition benches, insisting on explanations. This so unfair, and so unjust. After 10 years in power, he feels he is now entitled to all the pomp and splendour of state visits and guards of honour. The “excellency” salutation is just music to his ears.
Once this draft is approved, an appropriate operational note will be shared.
Signed
Joint Secretary,
Pradhan Sevak Karyalaya
Atmanirbhar is the pen-name of an aspiring satirist, who irregularly contributes a column, From the Vishwaguru Archives, and believes that ridicule and humour are central to freedom to speech and expression.
