This is a work of fiction. Although it may appear closer to reality than fiction.
It can now be disclosed that a high-powered group has been working for some time to suggest legal changes needed to prevent the anti-India forces from besmirching the Hon’ble Prime Minister’s image and reputation.
The group has been at work – understandably, off-the-books – and has had the benefit of consultations with kindred spirits among the NRI community in North America and England.
The group’s mission acquired an extra edge after the Hon’ble Prime Minister revealed that a supari (transl: contract killing) has been put out to tarnish his image. Suddenly the group’s mission became a National Project.
Accordingly, today, i.e. Monday morning, the secret group sent its recommendations to the Competent Authority. The report, given the importance the Hon’ble Prime Minister attaches to acronyms – is entitled ‘DNA’ – ‘Dus Naye Aagya’ – or ‘Ten New Commandments’ for New India.
First: Given the inspirational leadership the Hon’ble Prime Minister has provided to all the stakeholders in our national security and how he has steered India’s response against inimical neighbours, and given the ever-changing nature of threats to Mother India, it is suggested that Article 53 of the constitution be amended so as to make the Hon’ble Prime Minister the commander-in-chief of the armed forces instead of the President. It is understood that Shri Modi’s frequent references to “my fauj” has been very warmly received by senior officers. It has been suggested that such a re-designation would enable the armed forces to benefit from real leadership in real time during a crisis.
Second: The Election Commission should be asked to immediately send a draft proposal exempting the Hon’ble Prime Minister from any kind of code of conduct. Given the Prime Minister’s unquestioned popularity and his stature as an outstanding world statesman, it is unacceptable that anyone should seek to restrain this embodiment of national will and sentiment in any way. The country stands to benefit from his wisdom and wit and there is no reason to deprive the masses just because there is an election in this or that state. There is no need for a model code of conduct for a leader who is the very model of leadership. The idea of a code of conduct is to refrain self-seeking politicians from violating norms of decency and fair play, whereas the Hon’ble Prime Minister has proven time and again that he seeks only to serve the masses in order to restore Mother India to all its glory. Hence, Shri Modi must be outside the discipline of the Election Commission.
Third: The Union law ministry should be advised to suggest changes in rules in parliament so as to make it unlawful for any member to question the Hon’ble Prime Minister’s views, opinions, and allegations against anyone, whether a member of the house or not. A healthy precedent was set recently when the speaker of the Lok Sabha was pleased to expunge certain remarks of the MP from Wayanad against the Hon’ble Prime Minister.
Fourth: A new law should be enacted making it illegal for anyone to suggest any kind of wrongdoing by business houses alleged to be close to the Hon’ble Prime Minister under the guise of ‘free speech’. As a corollary to this proposed new reasonable restriction, SEBI and other regulators would be barred from investigating all wild allegations against these business houses. This provision suggests itself in the wake of the so-called Hindenburg Report against the Adani Group. As the business house pointed out, this bogus report was an unacceptable attack on India and its institutions.
Fifth: The law ministry should be advised to suggest appropriate changes in the constitution, barring the Supreme Court, high courts or any court of law from entertaining any complaint of defamation against the Hon’ble Prime Minister filed by any citizen, group or leader. The rationale for this suggestion is simple: Shri Modi is the world’s most trusted leader, and he cannot be suspected of defaming anyone. He must be spared the ordeal of frivolous litigation from professional disgruntled figures.
Sixth: It should be a cognizable offence for any citizen wanting to demand proof of the Hon’ble Prime Minister’s educational qualifications. A globally acknowledged leader does not need to produce a degree certificate in order to steer 1.4 billion Indians to a better and brighter future.
Seventh: Given the Hon’ble Prime Minister’s epochal contribution to deepening parliamentary democracy, as attested by his back-breaking efforts to erect a new parliament building in record time, both houses of parliament should be asked to proclaim him as Father of Parliament. While Mahatma Gandhi will continue to be known as ‘Father of the Nation’, it is about time that we recognise Shri Modi’s contribution and designate him as ‘Father of the Indian Parliament’. Apart from complementing India’s status as the ‘Mother of Democracy’, this simple measure should put a stop to all this loose talk about the “demise of Indian parliamentary democracy.”
Eighth: Given how the Hon’ble Prime Minister has imparted a new dynamism and a new meaning to the Constitution of India, all our national text-books should be edited to include his name – along with B.R. Ambedkar, Sardar Patel and Rajendra Prasad – as framers or sustainers of the constitution.
Ninth: After the Hon’ble Prime Minister’s stupendous leadership of the world community, as the most deserved host of the G20 forum, it should be mandatory to refer to him as Vishwaguru in all official communications, publications, broadcasts, etc.
Tenth: In view of the breakdown of global order and the new challenges – hidden and open – that India faces, it should be the sacred duty of every citizen, group and institution to preserve and deepen national stability as symbolised by the Hon’ble Prime Minister. Hence, it is suggested that political parties be barred from putting up any candidate against Shri Modi from whichever constituency he chooses to contest in the next and all future Lok Sabha elections, as and when these take place. The least a grateful nation can do for the Hon’ble Prime Minister is to spare him the time-wasting ordeal of a democratic electoral contest.
The high-powered group strongly urges that these measures be put in place as soon as possible, before the anti-India forces regain their wind. This is also an opportune time as the anti-Modi forces, within and outside the BJP, are still groping in the dark. As the Vedic adage goes, strike when the iron is hot.
Atmanirbhar is the pen-name of an aspiring satirist, who irregularly contributes a column, From the Vishwavguru Archives, and believes that ridicule and humour are central to freedom to speech and expression.