This is a work of fiction. Although it may appear closer to reality than fiction.
Now that it is a fait accompli, the secret story of Rishi Sunak’s arrival at 10, Downing Street can safely be told.
Ironically, the finest foreign policy triumph of Indian statecraft cannot be officially acknowledged. We shall come to that a bit later.
But let us begin at the beginning. The decision to plot the Sunak premiership was taken in India at a secret conclave during the recent gathering of the RSS brass in Allahabad. Of course, it was a unilateral decision, without any direct or indirect involvement of the Sunak camp.
The Hindu Renaissance Men were determined that advantage should be taken of the Modi incumbency to help extend our civilisational footprints from Nagpur to London. A Hindu prime minister of England! There could not be a greater glorious comeback for the Hindu civilisation than to have a man who says with garv that he is a Hindu standing at that famous box in the House of Commons.
The secret operation was appropriately codenamed “London Lotus.” Experienced parivar hands from Karnataka, Goa, and the Northeast were sent to Britain; these veterans in the art of winning over the loyalty of legislators were asked to identify vulnerable Tory MPs who could be tapped on the shoulder.
The Sangh’s first order of business was to ensure that the New Delhi overlords were on board. The two reigning Chankayas were firmly advised to ensure that all our resources and assets across the globe were on tap for the operatives chosen to execute Op ‘London Lotus’.
The two Chankayas were, as usual, ready with their inspired, street-smart moves. The Sitharaman coterie was asked to second the services of a couple of finance consultants to the Liz Truss establishment. The Hindu lobby, with its enormous reach, was roped in and the finance ministry’s snake-charmers were insinuated in the Downing Street advisory circus. The collapse of the British economy on Liz Truss’s watch was thus a foregone conclusion.
This flash subversion of the British economy proved the proverbial “ek dhakka aur do.”
However, even before the Truss establishment allowed itself to be taken for a ride by the hastily assembled Indian policy module, the Sunak camp was being helped and guided by our very own Hon’ble Supreme Leader. Indeed, very few people know that at any given time at least half a dozen leaders from across the world are seeking advice from our leader on how to gain and consolidate national power.
After losing out to Truss last August, the Sunak camp had sent feelers out to our Chanakyas. The advice to the Karnataka son-in-law was to not lose heart, remain focused, stay calm and dignified – and wait for Liz Truss to write her own political obituary. The inglorious denouement came earlier than expected by anyone.
Parallel to this coaching and guidance from our two Chankayas, the First Hindu International was simultaneously activated. It cranked up Hindu sentiments after the Leicester violence. Tory MPs with a sizeable Hindu population in their constituencies were specially lobbied.
The final blow for the Sunak power bid was delivered by our very resourceful national security operatives who effectively warded off Boris Johnson from making a nuisance of himself. The former prime minister was warned that should he enter the fray, certain compromising documents could be released to our nationalist media who within hours would tear his reputation apart. The Johnson bubble burst quickly. A highly satisfying moment for our operatives and their bosses atop Raisina Hill.
Unfortunately, the managers of Operation London Lotus know, like true professionals, that often in this murky world many successes cannot be owned up to. In this case, there is also a downside at home: a Sunak premiership weakens the vehemence of the majoritarian sentiment at home and has triggered an unhelpful debate on the political treatment of India’s religious minorities.
Nonetheless, those who live in the Modi bunker know the enormity of what India has achieved in London. They are all entitled to chant: Vishwaguru ki jai.
Atmanirbhar is the pen-name of an aspiring satirist, who irregularly contributes a column, From the Vishwavguru Archives, and believes that ridicule and humour are central to freedom to speech and expression.