This is a work of fiction. Although it may appear closer to reality than fiction.
Contrary to the fake propaganda spread by anti-India elements that Prime Minister Narendra Modi is an arrogant man who has surrounded himself with layers and layers of sycophants and darbaris, the fact is that he is a democrat by temperament. He never acts (or never decides not to act) without seeking wide-spread advice from the various gangs within his eco-system. If he has not expressed himself on Manipur it is because the process of consultation remains inconclusive. Some of the inputs received so far:
The Goli Maaro Salon Ko Gang: We believe that Manipur is a dry-run for more and more resistance to our Hindutva agenda. We should not be seen as second-guessing Biren Singh, who was merely taking matters to a logical end. Rahul Gandhi and company are trying to put us on the back-foot about the violence. We should not give the impression of being apologetic or remorseful. We need to look at the larger picture, beyond Manipur. All minorities must be made to realise that we control the armories and there would be painful consequences for those who choose to resist us. Goli will be our default answer.
The Nagpur Gang: It needs to kept in mind that ridding the north-east of Christian institutions, influence and interference have been a part of our original tapsaya. It is worth remembering that while the Islamists pose an open challenge, the Christian conspiracy is subtle and subversive. The Manipur flare-up only reconfirms our suspicion that the Church chooses to remain in an adversarial mood. Hence, matters had to come to a head, some time or the other. There will always be some unpleasantness. In our view, Biren Singh should be left alone; he seems to be a man of guts, a rare Hindu; a soldier who has an appetite for violence. In the current context, violence is both curative and therapeutic.
The North Block Gang: In our book, a former constable is any day preferable to someone else. Ipso facto, he is no stranger to violence, guns, conflict, etc. Biren Singh has earned his epaulettes. With all the forces available to us, we can calibrate violence, assert control. On the political side, we can boast, at least in internal consultations, of having updated the blue-book of fragmentation. Our agencies are on top of the game. Almost every single political outfit and its leaders are amenable to our manipulation. Just a few days ago we had neatly arranged for the defection of six NCP MLAs in Nagaland to the Ajit Pawar faction. We are confident that we can gin up anxieties and animosities across the north-east, scaring the mainland into lining up behind our Supreme Leader.
The South Block Gang: Armed forces are in total command of the situation. We have only one point of concern. We understand that in that famous video, one of the women involved is the wife of a Kargil veteran. A certain sensitivity is being felt among the fauji biradari. We suggest that the Honorable Prime Minister can possibly don a Kargil cap for his 15th August performance. And, for good measure, he should remind the nation that the Kargil war happened because Pakistan thought there was a political vacuum in India and that it could take advantage of adarnia Vajpayee ji being a lame-duck prime minister. We shall strongly urge the prime minister to spin the Manipur violence to our political advantage and educate the nation on the merits of a strong, cohesive government at the Centre.
The IT Cell Gang: We have been talking to our friends in the godi media. They expect us to make up our mind. As one anchor put it: “We are not averse to conflict. It gives us good eye-balls. But, please give us a line and we shall manufacture the narrative accordingly.” Our media friends are under the impression that we are ambivalent and confused about what to do next in Manipur. Also, we shall like to put on record that this is the first time in the past 10 years or so that the instrument of social media has worked to our disadvantage; our side has taken a good beating. However, we shall like to assure the leadership that we will be going back to the drawing board and re-designing our strategies for the 2024 battle.
The Bombay Club (A & A) Gang: We have no view on Manipur. We are not in the business of righteousness or moralising; we are in the business of making profit out of vikas. We and our external partners have only one expectation: keep violence under control. The firangi gets upset with violence and conflict in the headlines. Also tighten up media management; we notice some media houses are feeling it is time to discover “objective journalism” as we approach 2024. We have put all our eggs in your basket and we would not want to be on the losing side.
The Retired Foreign Service Gang: At the very outset, we must state that for now all our collective efforts to graft a global statesman persona around the Honorable Prime Minister have been neutralised by the Manipur noise. It has also distracted, we must be prepared to concede, from the G20 presidency razzmatazz. We urge the prime minister to control the damage. Only he, neither the home minister nor the chief minister, can change the narrative. The stakes are very high. All the good work of the past ten years can get undone.
The ball is now firmly in the highest court.
Atmanirbhar is the pen-name of an aspiring satirist, who irregularly contributes a column, From the Vishwavguru Archives, and believes that ridicule and humour are central to freedom to speech and expression.
