This is a two-part poem I wrote while attending to a family member struggling with a serious case of bipolar psychosis. Since the person could barely express anything in words,I tried expressing their inner turmoil on their behalf. ‘Noise’ expresses what the person suffering might be feeling from within and not what I felt in the process.
hues
stained
failing falls
falling
feeling fatigue
faith fused with fear
resist, disappear
emerge, steer
lows of the highs
lowest loathsome, lonesome lows of those highs
any sleep benign never meets the eye
tension, tense
terse end
blemishes
free from form
form a furore,
more fear
more
and less, and more
repeat
____________
I repeat myself. I recycle and rot.
Sullied, silly, stoic – can I be all?
Can I crawl and recoil, wreathe myself in smoke?
I step back. I gain momentum. I fly.
No more falls.
§
What do we keep fighting within?
What if acceptance becomes another milestone for us?
We achieve it, live with it, but may never move on from it?
Human nature would then be a tough thing to embrace, wouldn’t it?
Hues
Scattered
I tried helping, I kept them warm
Disappearing on, dueling with, delving into
the sorely scathed self
they crossed their peripheries
Lost, responding
More loss, reasoning
Movement, at times, forms a picture.
the one painted isn’t the one I formed
it isn’t the one I wrenched out of my hurricane self
I cringed at the beginning, they cringed too, almost fought
the same fight along with me
“Will you play with me?” is what I must have heard.
My eyes have formed it already,
whether you come to
observe moments or years later,
my art’s been born,
mes amis.
Shivang Raina is a singer-songwriter, a poet and a non-profit professional who loves to climb mountains. You can follow his work on Facebook at Petrichor Inspires and follow him on Instagram @petrichor_inspires.
Featured image credit: Nathaniel Shuman/Unsplash
