On the weekend of September 13-15, 2024, Kinky Collective (a community-funded group raising awareness around kink in India) organised the second edition of Kink Con: A National Convention in Celebration of Kink, Consent, Queerness and Acceptance.
The first panel was a Report launch titled “Conversations on Kink and Sex Work: Consent, Desire, and Power.” The Report was a summary of an Institute (workshop) organised by Kinky Collective (KC), and VAMP (Veshya Anyay Mukti Parishad, a collective of cis and trans women engaged in sex work in Maharashtra and North Karnataka) on 19th of October 2022 at Sangli, Maharashtra. The Institute facilitated a conversation around kink and sex work, and held space for questions, experiences and challenges faced by persons engaged in sex work. At the outset, the purpose of the Institute was to build alliances between the shared experiences of the two communities, and to debunk the idea that kink was an urban, western, capitalist phenomena since the sex workers predominantly experienced requests for kink from clients from villages and small towns.
At the report launch, two participants of the institute were present from SANGRAM, a collective of empowerment groups for sex workers, MSM and transgender individuals. They were Meena Seshu (founder of SANGRAM), and Aarthi Pai (director). Seshu and Pai served as the Marathi translators and intermediaries between members of KC, who predominantly spoke in a mix of English and Hindi. Members of KC shared that it was an interesting experience to find a shared vocabulary to articulate the experience of kink among the participants. The usual English vocabulary could not accurately capture the experiences, feelings and power dynamics of the participants. For example, ‘domination’ in the kink context translates plainly to Hindi as ‘havi,’ which bears a negative connotation of being oppressive or overbearing, thus, lacking the kink essentials of pleasure and consent. The word ‘satta’ ordinarily translates to ‘power,’ and was deemed to be a more suitable representation of the kink dynamic. In other instances, no attempt was made to create a word – instead, space was held to capture and translate the complexity of experience.
Also read: ‘A Twist in a Straight Line’: Inside India’s Kinky Networks
The workshop was an important space to build alliances between sexualities that are experienced outside ‘normalcy.’ Sex work is often categorised under the misnomer of ‘trafficking’ and ‘prostitution’ which has invited heavy-handed state surveillance, rescue, and rehabilitation.
Some of the slogans of the sex workers’ movement such as ‘Sex Work is Decent Work,’ ‘Rehabilitation is Redundant, Recognise Rights,’ and ‘Save us from Saviours,’ capture the battle of the community. These slogans were written on red umbrellas which were arranged on the backdrop of the report launch. The hetero-patriarchal Indian state also struggles to accept sex as a commercial service, an act that occurs outside the familial, procreational goal. Sex work is thus often laden with stigma.
Similarly, kink is taboo and deemed to be a product of sexual deviancy, and thus, remains far removed from any mainstream sexual rights activism.
It is notable that both these communities are severely underrepresented in the rights landscape due to the moral judgment endured by them. The report was thus wrapped in red and black ribbon to signify the coming together of the colours of sex work and kink respectively. Seshu and Pai argued for building more underground allied networks for sex workers and kinksters rather than waiting on the approval of the state, whose intentions are not to prioritize the needs and voices of these communities.
Another meeting point between sex work and kink is the clear negotiation of sexual acts, and therefore, the priority placed on consent as a central tenet to their relationalities. Seshu and Pai shared that their interaction with members of VAMP and SANGRAM revealed that they had very advanced approaches to consent, identity, and relationships due to their forthright and non-judgmental articulations with clients. Like the kink community, sex workers self-regulate around violations of consent, such as to end sessions when pain thresholds were crossed. When clients were aggressive, sex workers raised an alarm in their chambers, for example, some transgender participants shared the strategy of clapping loudly to call out for help. Similarly, in the kink space, munches (safe, social spaces) often serve as a space for raising concerns of consent violations in the community. It is important to note that due to their stigmatised nature, these communities don’t usually rely upon police support in fear of harassment and threat to their livelihoods and identities.
Seshu and Pai shared that one of the needs to have an Institute with KC arose due to the sense of intrigue and curiosity sex workers felt when clients would approach them with kinky desires and fetishes to offer larger than usual sums of money. They shared on behalf of the sex workers that because they were the primary act in the exchange, and penetrative sex was ancillary; for instance, one client only wished to oil, braid and smell the hair of a sex worker.
Members of KC shared that the affective atmosphere of the Institute was replete with laughter and teasing, and the reciprocity of sharing experiences without judgment, shame, but rather, curiosity and erotic fulfillment. This cheeky and arousing atmosphere among both communities foregrounded that their preoccupation with activism sidelined a discussion of their personal desires in daily dialogues. Seshu and Pai shared that while sex workers were completely non-judgmental about their clients’ kinky desires, most were not able to connect yet with kink due to their everyday experience of violence. KC shared that they would organise a joint workshop with SANGRAM in the future to create an avenue for sex workers to safely explore their own desires too. Some trans women sex workers shared that they had enjoyed spanking and hitting while engaging with kinky clients.
The kink terminology of ‘aftercare’ (acts of intimacy to wind down after the intensity experienced) also seemed relevant where kink and pleasure were aligned, especially when there were consent accidents/ incidents of excess; clients would offer cajoling, massages, and thereby support in the recovery.
Seshu and Pai also shared that the desires and pleasures of sex workers too, were ‘not mainstream,’ for instance, they would prioritise pleasure over physical appearance of clients. Similarly, in kink exchanges, identity and orientation often has very little to do with the exchange of kink, pleasure is the central endeavor. For instance, a gay male submissive and a lesbian female dominant both might engage in a play of spanking and flogging and both give and receive optimum pleasure in the act without being sexual
The convergences between kink and sex work thus reveals the importance of bringing together sexually marginalised groups to engage in productive and joyous camaraderie. As an audience member at Kink Con 2024, it was powerful to witness the importance of a safe space for members of the kink community to come together. Community provided by platforms like VAMP and SANGRAM have been critical for the empowerment of sex workers. The kink community urgently needs the strength of each other and that of allies to battle with silence and stigma that surrounds their desires. Kinky Collective’s efforts to create a platform like Kink Con provided an affirmative space around consent and negotiation, through the values of safety and communitarian care, in an atmosphere of joy, erotic energy and unabashed pride.
Katyayani Sinha is a PhD student at Melbourne Law School. Her project examines negotiation, informal contracts, and dispute resolution in the kink and polyamory communities in India.
