The Glamorisation of Dowry Needs to Stop

Any young man, who makes dowry a condition to marriage, discredits his education and his country and dishonours womanhood.

- Mahatma Gandhi

“Dulhan hi dahej hai (The bride is the dowry)."

I read the second set of words on a truck some years ago. Gandhi’s words still hold true, but only if people would follow the Gandhi of his words, rather than the Gandhi printed on currency notes.

The recent death of Nikki Bhati has re-started the discussion on dowry. Before the news cycle forgets her, and we get back scrolling to our feeds, let us face it – dowry is a crime we all have been a part of.

Our country has not only normalised dowry, but glamorised it. Behold the season of weddings, and you will have society turning a casual blind eye to dowry continuing. It is how it is, society says. 

India’s legal system declares dowry illegal. The Dowry Prohibition Act 1961, prohibits the giving and taking of dowry. Despite this, cars and bikes gifted by the bride’s family are openly flaunted at wedding functions.

It is well known that there are invisible “rate” cards for grooms, depending on their profession and salary. Engineer? Rs 50 lakhs. Doctor? Rs 1 crore. And so on. 

Why did it start?

According to Brittannica, one of the basic functions of a dowry has been to serve as a form of protection for the wife against the very real possibility of ill treatment by her husband and his family.

Dowry has existed in different parts of the world, including Europe. But it slowly declined with women joining the work force. In medieval and Renaissance Europe, the dowry frequently served to enhance the desirability of a woman for marriage. In Africa, "bridewealth" is common in certain parts, in which money or goods are given to the bride’s family to officiate the marriage. To reciprocate, the bride's family, at times, gives dowry. 

A paper by Tilburg University in Netherlands finds that although dowry payments are increasing in present-day India, they declined with industrialisation in Europe.

In some Arab countries, the groom is responsible to provide his wife a furnished house upon their wedding. If he doesn’t do so, he might not find a match.

Dowry is not just a Hindu custom. Despite Islam encouraging simple marriages, and recommending the groom hold a function according to its status, South Asian Muslims do indulge in dowry.

What happens to those who try to shun dowry?

Sanchita Chaudhary, 30, is a banker based in Lucknow. Her mother is looking for suitable matches for her but dowry is often a problem. “Whenever we tell the family that we will not be able to give dowry, they never call us back," she says.

Chaudhary is not the only one. A petition demanding the state government deploy a dowry prohibition officer at Bhopal marriage venues has found some success. The effort was led by Gunjan, a woman whose story is similar to that of Caudhary's. After fielding demands of luxury cars and Rs 50 lakhs in cash, Gunjan decided to take an action against a practice she did not believe in.

Women who refuse to marry with dowry may end up waiting for years to find a man who complements their line of thinking. Women who marry without it are often also left with an uncertainty. 

Deaths

According to the National Commission of Women, 4452 cases were reported of dowry-related harassment in 2024.

Cases such as that of Atul Subhash, who died by suicide alleging that he was slapped with a false dowry case, raise concerns about the wrong use of the anti-dowry law. But such cases take little away from the fact that violent dowry demands remain a pressing concern.

The National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) reports that in 2022, Uttar Pradesh had the highest number of dowry deaths – 2,138, and then, Bihar – with 1,057 women dead.

Even in the country's most literate state of Kerala, dowry related cases show a worrisome rise. According to data tabled in the Kerala assembly in 2024, in the 223 cases registered under the dowry prohibition law, there was only a 4% conviction rate.

The practice creates a vicious cycle of making the girl’s family financially vulnerable, while the groom’s family hold power.

The BBC’s investigative report on midwives who stopped female infanticide shows a glimpse of how the expectation of dowry is the main reason behind killing a girl child in India.

“Once we give dowry for our girls, we will starve to death. Now, another girl has been born. Kill her," one of the midwives was told.

Change starts at home

If we want an end to dowry violence and deaths, we have to understand, before our children, that any family who reduces a woman’s worth in money or materials is greedy. And their greed will never end.

The silence over dowry exchanges is complicity. Dowry-free weddings should be amplified and shared to set an example.

Most importantly, sanitised language around dowry has to end. Families calling dowry "gifts" are making the exploitation more palatable. Give her land, give her a business, give her inheritance. These create lasting security that no in-law can snatch away, unlike dowry which often becomes a weapon for ongoing harassment.

Sumaiya Ali is an independent journalist based in Uttar Pradesh.

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