In the past couple of months since Donald Trump took office, Trump, sadly has not been his true self. He has not been Trump enough. Sure, at his inauguration there were millions of people ‘as far as the eye could see’ even though the ceremony was contained in the small space of the Capitol rotunda. Sure, his major supporters were all there – Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Sundar Pichai and other tech billionaires. And in these few weeks he has done what was expected of him. He has fired all those who turned against him during the Biden administration and kept not just his white friends and family members, but also some people of colour – the Kash Patels, the Scott Turners and Vivek Ramaswamys. Moreover as a leader of the free world he has liberated America from its responsibilities to the environment, the cold war, world health, world peace and world poverty. Free from the Paris Accord, WHO, USAID, Nato and other niggling acronyms that took up America’s precious time and money.
But, the question remains, has Trump been Trump enough? As he inches towards the 100 day mark, surely he is falling short on his unique working style, his rage and bluster, his big bully diplomacy. For this to change he must begin to act in ways that truly set him apart. Here are five major areas where he could make an immediate impact.
Conflict resolution: First and foremost is the need for a simultaneous resolution of the Gaza and Ukraine conflict. A statesman chooses out of the box statesman-like solutions. His proposal of turning a war ravaged Gaza into a Mediterranean Riviera may be a good idea, but does it go far enough? By dividing up disputed land among the concerned parties Trump can solve the Arab-Israeli-Palestinian-Ukraine-Russian conflict in one go. Russia today occupies a narrow strip of Ukrainian land similar to the Gaza strip. This large swathe of real estate could become the new home for the displaced Palestinians – far enough away from Israel for them not to feel the constant threat from a once hostile neighbour. As compensation, Russia would receive a beautiful outlook on the Mediterranean, a place where they could strategically be in sight of their NATO adversaries. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky could return to his old life as a comedian, leaving Trump himself with more quality time at Mar-a-Lago.
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Immigration: Second is Trump’s exercise on deportation. The sheer cost of returning illegal immigrants back to their country is both logistically tedious, and an expensive outrage for a nation whose only fault has been to make itself attractive to the rest of the world. Should not home governments of immigrants bear the expenses of their return? In fact the whole point of deportation is to make the mother country feel entirely guilty for the missteps of a few ambitious citizens. Why spend American tax dollars on shackling and transporting immigrants on military planes when they could simply be returned to the nearest international border, either Mexico or Canada. Like rats caught at home, merely tossed outside the boundary wall. That would be the true Trump way. Then let India and Columbia and Bangladesh worry about them.
Annexation: Third, and no less critical, is Trump’s view of the annexation of foreign countries. Outside the wide arc of his favourite ‘shithole countries’, which he hasn’t even considered, adding Canada or Greenland to the territorial United States merely adds another small star or two to the American flag. Inconsequential places with a great deal of open unoccupied land, and no real habitation or human presence, Greenland is to the US what the Rann of Kutch is to India – two million square kilometers of waste. And Canada, even larger, sparsely populated with a large ethnic Indian community. Annexing Canada would merely create a bigger deportation situation. Trump’s real prize lies across the Pacific Ocean. To make mainland China the 51st state of the US would not only solve the problem of trade tariffs, but also naturally bring to America advanced technologies in AI, green energy, aerospace, transport etc. Having the largest American state on Russia’s southern border would also keep America’s biggest enemy in line.
Citizenship: Fourth is the coveted right to American citizenship at birth for children of illegal immigrants – an odd unlawful constitutional liberty that needs immediate change. To split the American pie into such small slices that there isn’t enough to go around, Trump earlier proposed an amendment that would grant citizenship to only those who had as parents at least one white mother and one white father. But this scheme did not go far enough. His new proposal should declare unequivocally that no child born anywhere in the continental United States be granted automatic citizen status. At birth, all new-borns should be transferred to Guantanamo Bay to await interview and application approval; and only those infants that are likely to enhance the future workforce with special skills could then apply for a Green card. A process that would weed out dangerous terrorists and fake asylum seekers among the toddlers.
Travel: Finally, travel bans have been effective ways to protect America from countries that harbour grudges against the US. Trump has successfully targeted citizens of over 40 countries, including a Red list of most dangerous nations like Somalia, Bhutan, Yemen and others whose citizens are barred from even applying for an American visa. 32 other nations on the Orange and Yellow lists also face entrance restrictions. While these pose a threat, the real risks remain unaddressed – a Blue list of truly dangerous places, whose residents have – through nefarious means – already gained entry into the US. These include citizens of California, Massachusetts, Vermont and smaller principalities like Nantucket, Martha’s Vineyard and Manhattan. Harbouring some of the worst kind of freedom loving, pro-reproductive rights, Pinko leftist liberals, travel bans and visa restrictions across state lines need to be strictly enforced, with possible arrests for those who fall in the category of radical thinkers and opinion makers.
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Unfortunately in the few weeks that Trump has made his presence felt on the world stage, his attempts at peace negotiations, a few odd trade tariffs, some minor deportations have all been feeble, half-hearted, and have gone wholly unnoticed. The world now is too used to outguessing Trump. Because of his increasingly tolerant approach and liberal values he has been unable to exercise his normally extreme views. A benign and benevolent Trump can hardly be expected to bring the world into line.
Many other problems of global leadership await his decision: a large population of homeless Americans in San Francisco awaiting deportation to Mexico, work on a more natural Tiger Woods-like golf swing, a nuclear Iran with a turbaned leader, a lackluster puff of yellow hair that requires regular grooming, an unfinished Trump Tower in Mumbai, and an inscrutable but friendly despot in Russia, a friendlier one next door in North Korea. Not to mention a tall Slovenian woman who sneaks into the White House occasionally. A combined resolution of all these in one go is possible only if the real Trump begins to play his big bruising unthinking game. Till then, the world remains safe, dull and normal.
Gautam Bhatia is a Delhi-based architect.
This piece was first published on The India Cable – a premium newsletter from The Wire & Galileo Ideas – and has been updated and republished here. To subscribe to The India Cable, click here.
